The need to stay occupied both mentally and physically has filled me with a sense of urgency that at times I drive myself beyond limits. This is just so that I am able to forget the painful shroud that is wrapped around me... but I cannot forget. I feel so bowed down because of the emptiness that is inside of me, having lost all semblance of direction and personal focus. I live from day to day forcing myself to move on because I am left with little choice. I wonder why this has become my lot? What did I do to deserve this? ...Deepa

I want to constantly be in a situation where I don't get time to think of the sadness in my life. It frustrates me that no matter what I do to keep myself occupied both mentally and physically I am unable to shrug off the mantle of pain that encompasses me. I became used to carrying one cross, or rather I got

I feel rather vulnerable and naked when exposed to light...I sometimes think that groping in the darkness has become a way of life for me... I have gotten so used to it that I seem to have forgotten what it is to walk in the light...Deepa

For a mother, there is no burden heavier than, and no pain worse than having to order a tomb stone for her beloved child......It feels like I'm losing my mind.

...Deepa

After Anjan was killed I thought you [God (?!!)] would cut us some slack and I always told Anjali and Tanya that you would never let any harm come to us. Now I really wonder...? Why again? Why? Why? Why?.... we tried so hard to be good human beings then why did you allow this to happen to my Tanu?... why me? Why us? I am so full of anger... so angry at {You (?!!)}. Where the hell are you? Why did you allow this to happen? I will never ever talk with you again. I always trusted you so much, nothing in my life was done without speaking about it with you. I always begged you tokeep my Tanu safe, for so many years I begged you. You knew very well how much I loved her. Then why? Were you not satisfied after Anjan's death?....Oh I am so terribly angry with you for letting me down. What guarantee is there that you won't let me down again and again and again?... You are a sadist I feel. You have never liked to see me happy even though it hardly took much to keep me happy...Deepa

“If you lose your parents you’re an orphan; if you lose your husband you’re a widow and if you lose your wife you’re a widower,” she says. “But there’s no word for losing your child. It’s as though it’s so terrible they couldn’t even give it a name.” ...Sally Holland

I would like to share this with you from "The little Prince"
The Wise Fox: Please tame me………..
The little prince: I want to very much. But I have not much time but I am beginning to understand. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand.
The Fox: One only understands the things that one tames. Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me...
•The little prince: What must I do to tame you?
•The fox: You must be very patient.... words are the source of misunderstandings and you will sit a little closer to me, every day... and now here is my secret, a very simple secret:
It is only with the heart the one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye.
It is the time you have lavished on your rose that makes your rose so important. Men have forgotten this truth. But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed.
...This teaches us about love & responsibility

"One should not live in the past"...does not hold true for those whose past is more glorious than the present...and the future? Well! there never is any future...So I'd rather much live in the past... at least it was worth the while..." Deepa

Deepa Banerji The BEST never leave us...they live on...in us and through us always and forever!
TANYA LIVES ON!!!.....25th Birthday..15th April2009