Time flies but I still feel the same as I did on the very first day of my Tanu's going. Nothing has changed....the awful, constant ache, the unbearable dark void, the feeling of helplessness and homelessness.

It is SO VERY DIFFICULT for me to say 'Thy Will Be Done"... How can I?

MY GOD MY FATHER WHILE I STRAY
My God and Father! while I strayFar from my home in life’s rough way,Oh! teach me from my heart to say,“Thy will be done!”
Though dark my path, and sad my lot,Let me “be still,” and murmur not,Or breathe the prayer divinely taught,“Thy will be done!”
What though in lonely grief I sigh,For friends beloved, no longer nigh,Submissive still would I reply,“Thy will be done!”
If Thou shouldst call me to resignWhat most I prize, it ne’er was mine;I only yield Thee what was Thine;“Thy will be done!”
Should pining sickness waste away,My life in premature decay,My Father! still I strive to say,“Thy will be done!”
If but my fainting heart be blestWith Thy sweet Spirit for its guest,My God! to Thee I leave the rest--“Thy will be done!”
Renew my will from day to day,Blend it with Thine, and take awayAll now that makes it hard to say,“Thy will be done!”
Then when on earth I breathe no moreThe prayer oft mixed with tears before,I’ll sing upon a happier shore,“Thy will be done!”

I look at an ant and I see myself: A mother and a wife endowed with a strength greater than my size so I might cope with the weight of the double weighted cross which is in my desitny to carry constantly. Sometimes with tears as I feel completely bowed down with its overwhelming weight and at times I am able to smile through the tears trying to put up a brave front! AAAh..... LIFE!