It seemed the only valuable thing that I could have given both my lovely daughters, Anjali & Tanya, was the sum total of my life wrapped up into that moment when I granted them the freedom to fly high and independantly so that they could be themselves. It was the most difficult thing for me to do, but I loved them too much not to.

"Oh My God, My God...Why have you forsaken me?"

It's really, really ironic that we had to give my Tanya up bang in the middle of ' the Joy of Giving ' week. No one could give as much, or knew what that joy was or was more selfless than her! Especially at that tender age of 24 years when the youth of today are at their "self centered best!!" I always told her “People take advantage of you, be careful.” But she carried on without paying heed.
She would never go somewhere empty handed, she gave life to so many with the numerous donations of blood, inspite of telling her to take care of her health. The many times I got up in the middle of the night to hear her consoling someone who needed a shoulder to cry on. The innumerable times she spent time with me rather than spend time with her friends because she just wanted to teach me how to enjoy life. She gave off herself so willingly to the needy and never ever, ever expected anything in return....I could go on and on....That was Angel child TANYA....I feel so PROUD to be her mother. I ALWAYS will..... I love you my TANU!

Am I feeling better? I really don't know! I don't think I ever will! Some days are so overwhelmingly riddled with grief because the need to hold my child to my boosom and stroke her hair and iron out all her worries and pain is so strong that containing my emotions becomes an impossible task for me.

I always wanted to see Tanu happy and safe, I wonder how much more I could have done? The pain that tears my heart apart feels so physical that I wish I could somehow wrench it out and subdue that terrible, terrible ache. The feeling of emptiness fills my very being and try as much, I just cannot seem to fill the void. How long do I have to go on living like this?