As I have said over and over again that, time has stood still , and it continues to, at least for me! However, strange as it may seem and contrary too, inspite of this feeling of "static" every day leads to another night, and night to another day. Time keeps spilling down on me, and the only way I can take hold of the minutes and make sense of them is... to work!

The days and nights are thick and cluttered with grief and I fight my way through every minute. Forced sleep by night and work by day. Working and working, wrestling with every job... The more I work, the more I get exhausted at the end of each day the more time becomes a possibility and life a reality!

There are times I just feel like running and running and running...forever...as if the physical act of running will calm the storm in my heart... I try not to think but then from time to time my mind goes all crazy and then I cannot calm my ragged nerves. This pain is like nothing on this earth and I wonder if I was born only to carry such heavy loads?!
I, however, feel grateful for my job because once I'm at work I'm transported to another world and it is because of the solace that I get at work that I push myself to drown myself in my work, you know, sometimes I just wish I could stay on in school at nights too! This was the place Tanya encouraged me to join and it's no surprise that I'm back here once more...I have a feeling she made sure that I'm in a place where I'll be at peace. Gosh how I miss her..... "I miss you so much Tanu bete"

Emptiness is not tangible but now I say that I can actually touch it!